Topic: Parenting an Angry, Explosive Teen: What You Should—and Shouldn’t—Do
When I had the first time problem with my angry teen I googled about teen anger.
I was surprised that it is so common in this age. The best advice I find from Sara Bean, M.Ed.:
Parenting an Angry, Explosive Teen: What You Should—and Shouldn’t—Do.
What Not to Do:
Yell, curse, or name-call
Being verbally abusive to your child only makes things worse,
both in the short-term when the argument escalates, and in the long-term when your child’s
behavior doesn’t change and your relationship becomes strained...
Threaten with consequences
It’s always most effective to avoid threatening your child with specific consequences in the heat of the moment.
For example, saying, “If you don’t stop, I’m taking your computer for 3 days” is not likely to get your child
to suddenly stop yelling and retreat to his room. Instead, it will upset your child even more...
Attempt to control your children
This is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for parents. We hear from parents every day who,
without realizing it, are trying to control their children. I think this is due, in part,
to some common confusion about accountability and what that really means...
This often goes hand in hand with trying to control your child. Your child didn’t turn the X-box off
when you told him to, so you try to take the controller or the console itself in the heat of your argument
when everyone’s emotions are running high...
Try to “win”
Realize that if you continue to try to “win” every battle with your child, you will lose “the war.” ...
What to Do: Try These Techniques Instead
Pick your battles and consider walking away
As mentioned above, ask yourself if it’s worth it to deal with this issue.
Does it need to be dealt with right now? Should you take some time to calm down
before you address it with your child...
Use a business-like tone
James Lehman talks about the concept of treating your family like a business
in the Total Transformation program. You’re the CEO of your “family business,”
so when things are turbulent, remember to address your child in the same tone...
Let your child know you’re having a hard time communicating with them in the moment.
It’s perfectly okay to say things like, “It’s really hard for me to listen and talk to you when you’re
screaming at me,”...
Challenge your child’s thinking
What I mean is to point out that his behavior is ineffective. Say to your child, “I know you want to go to the mall,
but talking to me like that is not going to get you what you want,” or....
Last but not least, one of the single best ways to teach kids is by example.
Role modeling is one of the key components of teaching kids how to behave.