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Dealing with a Miscarriage

Topic: Dealing with a Miscarriage

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I know this may be a rough subject for some, but I myself have gone through 5 miscarriages and know that pain all too well. I just want to share my story and how I coped with myself after each one. I don't mean to offend anyone by this post, and if I do, I sincerely apologize for it.

I'll start by telling you a little bit about myself, I am a 28 year old mother of 2 living children and 5 rainbow babies in heaven. I had my first child when I was 20 and my last one at the age of 27. I found out during my first pregnancy that I had a heart shaped uterus and that I was lucky to be pregnant. After my first child turned 2, my ex-husband and I tried to have another child, but 12 weeks into the 2nd pregnancy I miscarried. I was crushed. I was depressed. I hated myself and blamed myself and my body. It took a while after the first one to even let my ex-husband touch me again, but he supported me and urged me to try again. 

I got pregnant for the 3rd time almost an exact year after my first miscarriage, this one lasted 9 weeks until again, I miscarried. This one of course hit harder than the first. I lashed out at everyone, stopped eating, refused to look at myself in a mirror, spent days in bed just crying. It wasn't until I was home and my daughter came in the room and asked me why I was crying, climbed into bed with me and just held me. I realized I was missing out on her because I was so ashamed of myself I wasn't concentrating on anything else. 

My 4th, 5th and 6th pregnancy's were all miscarriages as well. Granted we didn't try for one, they just happened. They all ranged from 10-15 weeks. and no one other than myself even knew I was pregnant, I didn't tell anyone, not even my husband at the time. It just seemed easier that way, because I just knew it wouldn't last.

My 7th pregnancy was my last one, and no one knew that I was pregnant because I had a lot of bleeding during the beginning of this pregnancy. It wasn't until I was 3 months along and somewhat out of the danger zone that I told my husband, and not until I started showing did we tell family. 

Going through this process will never be easy, but it is not your fault. It's not your body's fault. There is no one to lame for the loss of a child. And I know it can make you feel hopeless, like you failed at something every other woman can do. But you haven't failed and you are not alone. Take the time you need to grieve and go through the motions. 

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